That's right, the chubby guy with the bad jokes. Having just officially launched my mp3 blog, Hyperbole Will Change Your Life (which is, in fact, a blatant parody of the line in Garden State) I decided a place for non-musical writings might be necessary. Mostly because I need a place to tell the world that I am addicted to watching people orgasm so that it's out in the open and it can't be held against me some day. What's that, you say? Addicted to WHAT?!?!?
Well, thanks to the fine folks at Esquire, I have spent the last few days, when not working or pretending to attend class, looking at videos from Beautiful Agony. The site features hundreds of videos of people achieving orgasm. The words of Bad Brain's song "Pay to Cum" never rang so true. It would ring truer if it were "find some torrent because you're fucking broke to watch people cum," but the song was written before my time.
Each video is strictly a shoulders up shot. It's kind of like one of those awkward sexual encounters where you can't close your eyes, and it lasts anywhere from a minute-and-a-half to ten minutes. Call it post-modern porn, if you will, but nothing has ever been committed to tape that was both chiefly erotic and depravedly voyeuristic like this is. It's also utterly fascinating. This isn't the kind of thing you sit down with a bowl of popcorn, a tube of lotion and a gym sock to.
A friend of mine knocked on the window to the apartment tonight because she was bored and wanted to go drink with my roommate. Common decency says "shut off the porn." My enraptured state said "Wow, I feel really dirty right now but can't stop watching." She saw the screen and said something along the lines of "What the fuck?" Then she got kind of enthralled.
Esquire said it ruined porn with its unabashed honesty; but me, it's just ruined my life.
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